So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
