Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
