I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize