Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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