When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
