Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
