my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
