dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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