pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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