when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
