YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
