did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Bring me that man meat
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
