..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
