If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
