Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
