Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
