I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
