Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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