Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I got inside last night via doggy door
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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