How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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