guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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