i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
