I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
