if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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