No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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