You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
