VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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