you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
