I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
