somebody snuck up and got me drunk
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
