I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
