yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
