Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize