walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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