Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Randomize
