so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
