I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
