i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
