standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
