ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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