these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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