I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have grass duct taped all over my body
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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