we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
