Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
