Please, let me fuck your mom
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
And then he peed in my hair
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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