He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
