Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i came on her dog
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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