I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize