it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
