just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
