I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
