remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
