he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
