Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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