And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
