Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
