Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
