if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
