I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
