Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
