he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
