I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
